Life Hack - old shirts

People wear beloved t-shirts until they are nearly tatters, then toss them. Or try to, if they have sentimental value. Here are some ways to keep those shirts around and still useful, or to use old t-shirts which would otherwise be tossed in the trash.

Cut off the arms of large t-shirts, above the seam, and they make fantastic hair covers/sweat catchers when you're working around the house or yard. You can pull them over your hair and wear them under a hat or cap. Or wear one under a wig.

You can also sew the hemmed end together and gather the ragged end to create makeshift grouch bags or utility bags for small items or items which might otherwise leave a mess behind - baby eating utensils, bottles, milk bags, etc.

Scraps from fronts or backs are great for:

• working on the car - who cares if it gets greasy or gross?
• wearing around your neck in the yard for a quick sweat wipe.
• t-shirt material doesn't usually leave a lot of fibers behind, so it's great for wrapping sex toys made of jelly or silicone or other soft materials. If you wrap your sex toys, anyway.
• baby burp rags.
• baby chew toys.
• baby lovies - many babies want something soft in their hands when they're going to sleep.
• oversized handkerchiefs for the snot overachiever in you.
• oversized handkerchiefs for your runny-nosed toddler.
• clean and toss - no guilt for throwing money in the trash if it was already scrap anyway, and t-shirts are much sturdier than your average paper towel for those extra elbow grease places.
• kitten and puppy rags - cleaning them up after birth and housebreaking/litter training accidents.
• cat and dog rags - lining pet beds, wiping allergy eyes or noses, tying in knots to play tug-of-war, cleaning up pet yak, cleaning up cages at a mobile pet adoption center.
• keeping in the car for emergencies - vehicle accidents, unexpected visits from aunt flo (in case you don't pack sanitary supplies in your purse all the time - many women don't), tying to your antenna if you want/need help but don't feel comfortable standing outside your car, carsickness, moving injured animals off the road.
• practice sewing, applique, test stitch changes on your machine.
• in your purse to line the back of a movie theater seat - have you ever gotten lice that way?
• in your purse for any emergency/random act of kindness - I can't count the number of times having a wad of t-shirt in the bottom of my purse means having exactly the thing someone else needs right then.
• wrapping rolls or biscuits right out of the oven.
• tossing over rising dough.
• wrapping thawing meat so the flies don't get to it.
• tossing over cooked meat on the platter if you're grilling outside, or any other non-liquid food outside.
• cleaning out that fridge containing science experiments.
• cleaning around that nasty toilet or urinal.
• cleaning out under the kitchen sink which has had one too many broken pipes - vinegar, wipe with a t-shirt, toss that motherfucker.
• bathing/molting your snake - your actual serpent, not your body part. lol
• napkins for barbeque or eating watermelon or other messy foods.

You can wash t-shirts until they literally fall apart, so you're going to get your money's worth out of even the most expensive t-shirt.

What do you use old-t-shirts for?

Book: Suddenly Spellbound by Erica Lucke Dean

Suddenly Spellbound by Erica Lucke Dean

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I received a digital copy of this book from the author for the purposes of providing a review.

Ivie has a wacky sense of humor, and I laughed out loud several times while reading Suddenly Spellbound.

Ivie is surrounded by a family of both blood and love, and enjoys her life, with one possible exception: her dad has been acting so weird since she changed him from a cat to a human. Long story.

So Dad asks for Ivie to swing by his work really quickly, and when she does, he pulls her into a little spell. Turns out not to be so little, and boy is her fiance pissed when he picks her up at the police station later.

After the spell, Ivie is stuck in a love triangle, but it's not what you might imagine, and the resolution of this triangle is funny and dramatic and suspenseful and sad and unexpected.

If you're looking for a contemporary romance with humor, more than a touch of paranormal, and a happily ever after...well, two out of three ain't bad. It's not exactly a cliffhanger, but there's a twist on the final pages of the book, and in the overall scheme of Ivie's life, well, it's just another day.

I look forward to reading what happens next.

On the technical side, I found few errors and no formatting issues.



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Book: Men Out of Uniform - novella collection

Men Out of Uniform by Sylvia Day

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


The first novella, taking up nearly half the book, was sweet. I enjoyed the heroes' no bull approach to seducing the heroine, and the tension created by the plot twist was compelling. Both heroes were refreshingly honest and forthright, except for their one big misstep, which frankly, I'm not sure how they could have gone the other way.

The second novella started out with a gratuitous and mildly graphic sex scene involving the "hero." It lays the foundation for an unlikeable man with bad intentions for the heroine. Turns out he doesn't, but I still kept expecting him to frak over the heroine and show his true colors. Once emotion entered the story, it flowed better, but I still finished the novella with a vague expectation that something big was going to go wrong.

The third novella was Sylvia Day's contribution. It was a solid novella, and the chemistry between the hero and heroine was understated yet believable.

Two of the three novellas were second-chance romances, so the insta-love had a reason for being. All three had a bit too much focus on anal sex instead of vaginal sex.

It IS possible to have sex in a romance without having anal sex. It's not the be-all and end-all of sexual intimacy. I can deal with it, but too much is too much, for frak's sake.

Despite these three authors being major players, I found the collection as a whole mediocre, though some of that was personal, I think. Your mileage may and probably will vary.

This book was on my "wishlist," and I found it at the library.



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GIVEAWAY!! #EdgeofWild

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Book: Discovering You by Brenda Novak

Discovering You by Brenda Novak

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I was gifted a digital copy of Discovering You by the author for the purposes of providing a review.

This was an interesting relationship, because some aspects of it were slow burn, while others were on the fast track, but the dichotomy worked well here.

Rod and India, who have already met, ran into each other on a dark street late at night when she was coming back from an art show. The situation was tense, and India attempted to shove Rod into the "bad boy" box in her head, to convince herself she wasn't interested in him. She wasn't really fooling herself. Or me.

I loved the way the Dylan especially tucked India right into the "family" place under his wing without question, once Rod communicated his interest. I loved that Rod was unmistakably interested in India, but was willing to help her even if they never got together - insisted on it, in fact. It's a total line, and it's a romance novel, but I believed this man when he said it.

Discovering You kept me reading from beginning to end. I don't think I even took a bathroom break. lol Suspense and making neighborhood connections and reconnecting with Rod's inner child via an actual child. All good things.

The only downside was the Mack/Natasha subplot. It took up too much space. It took too much focus away from the main relationship and the nerve-wracking things happening around it. And though I care whether Mack and Natasha ever figure things out, I didn't like having so much of it worked out in this book.

Discovering You is a solid entry in the Whiskey Creek series. This book, though it builds on a reader's knowledge of characters previously mentioned, very much stands alone. It's been a while since I read the last WC book, and I had no trouble getting back into the Amos family.



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Book: Deception Island by Brynn Kelly

Deception Island by Brynn Kelly

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


I'm afraid Deception Island didn't do it for me. I enjoyed the beginning of the book, but once "Laura" was kidnapped, it failed to keep my attention.

Romantic chemistry was nonexistent as far as I was concerned. I didn't care about Laura/Holly's relationship with Jack/Rafe. In fact, by the end of the book, I was much more invested in whether or not Holly would bond with Theo.

Aside from that, there were serious issues with words involving the letter "f", most of which were divided by a space after the f. This made for difficult reading, when "muffled" became "muff led" or other similar words. It was extremely frustrating.

The formatting was also messed up. Many conversations, while they were offset by individual quotation marks, were all crammed together, without paragraph changes or any other means of determining who was speaking.

Overall, between the writing itself and the formatting issues, I can't recommend this book.

ETA: I received a digital copy of Deception Island from Netgalley for the purposes of providing a review.



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Book: Edge of Wild by Danika Stone

Edge of Wild by Danika Stone

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


FULL DISCLOSURE: I had the pleasure of reading this many months ago as an alpha reader, and I was gifted a digital copy of this book by the author. I am on the street team for this book. None of that in any way impacts my opinions. DK knows I would tell her if it blew.

Edge of Wild

The story has changed so much from initial writing to now, and is a better book for the input of Stonehouse Publishing.

Edge of Wild is a mystery. It's a love story. It's a paean to the Northern Rocky Mountains and Waterton, Alberta, Canada. It's a peek into the secrets kept even, perhaps especially, in a small town. Some of those secrets are worth killing over.

Rich is a fish out of water in Waterton, and he plans to enjoy the challenge of getting a hotel up and running in an area with not enough tourist traffic. What little enjoyment he has, though, is ruined piecemeal, with problems ranging from relatively fixable issues like plumbing to much more dangerous vandalism, along with creepy discoveries both in and outside of the hotel.

Lou is appealingly odd, and befriends Rich from the start when he brings his car in for repairs. She's got a gift for fixing things, a story for everything, and a ready smile whenever Rich shows up.

Edge of Wild is very much Rich's story, and yet Lou as his touchstone is integral to the plot.

You'll encounter suspense aplenty, with several smaller mysteries contributing to the larger plot arc. Intense descriptions of the scenery made me question more than once why I wasn't living there instead of in Texas.

Edge of Wild kept me reading every evening, is on my "rereadable" list, and has me more than curious about what comes next for this small town.



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Reminiscing

I have this temp Nana gig through the end of the school year. LJ is almost five months old, and he's just a doll. He's happy and smart and gods I miss Ryan! I adore having a baby around, though. I don't even complain about getting up at 0800 for him.

Anyway, as babies are wont to do, he opens his mouth anytime anything gets in the vicinity of his face, and I've taken to kissing the empty space where his mouth is open. It makes a nice echoing sound. I didn't think much of it at first, but after a couple dozen times, I realized it reminded me of my little brother, D. I used to "kiss" D that way when he was a baby, too. That was a long time ago - 1973. Can you believe it?

Having LJ around, I've noticed my pain fades more into the background. I'm more tired after he's gone home, but while he's here, I hurt less. Or rather, notice it less. It's been interesting to note the impact of simple enjoyment on the rest of me, body, soul, and mind.

On Tuesday, Landlady and I went to a Cutco kitchen event - they've been having them monthly since the store opened, and though it's not ideal, it's a reasonably fun way to get out of the house and have a free meal. Anyway, this last time was "Cinco de Mayo" and one of the dishes was a corn and black bean salsa. While the chef up front was prepping, he started cutting the onions, and it was the same way Dad did when we used to make stuffing together at Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was a bittersweet moment - I was so looking forward to having Thanksgiving with Dad two years ago, and now he's gone, it's an experience I won't be sharing with anyone, because the Potatoheads live in Florida, and I have no other children, or anybody else to "pass it down" to.

I'm starting on a new edit this week, and looking forward to delving deeper into this author's fictional world. It's the second book in a trilogy, the third set of books I've edited for her. It's been gratifying to watch her writing improve with each book. Her improvement isn't on me, but it still feels good to be a part of her journey.

My own writing has been hit and miss for months, and I keep trying. Every once in a while, I crank something out, but my word count so far this year has been abysmal. It's sad and frustrating. I WANT to write, but my brain will not cooperate. Blargh.

Watching Hawaii 5-O this week, I've been reminded of my ties to the military, and the many ways my psyche and personality were shaped by growing up an Air Force brat. Funerals especially, or welcoming home finally-identified bones, always gets me deep inside. So many people over the course of my life, haven't made it home, and some who did have never been the same. Being part of a military family is never a level life - there are moments of deep, abiding joy, and other moments of such grief it's impossible to put it into words. Somehow, H5O captures some of that, often, and watching from the beginning has been a reflective experience.

Speaking of H5O, I remembered during the opening theme doing this little dance with Ryan when he was bitty, while we were at my in-laws' house. I have no idea why that theme works on me that way, but it does make me want to "dance" with babies, if I have them around.

I know, I'm weird. Get used to it. I'm not getting normal in this lifetime. :D

Recycling: a PSA

At this particular house, our recycling rate is above average, and our trash rate is way below average. We barely fill a trash bag every two weeks.

Book: Sea Swept by Nora Roberts

Sea Swept by Nora Roberts

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Loved the found family theme - the idea of these men expanding their family to include a young boy.

I also loved the sexual agency Anna had here - she knew what she wanted and didn't hesitate to go after it.

The love scenes are a little too much like the overly flowery scenes I've been reading in Roberts/Robb's In Death series. They're too...ugh, I don't even know what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, good book. Probably not a repeat read.

I can't be the only person who wants a little more time with a couple after the issues are resolved. It always seems so abrupt - " I can't live without you." "Oh, me too." The end.

I've got two of the other books in the series, but I haven't yet decided if I'm going to read them or not.



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It's odd, but in this case, I'd kind of rather have a bullet-pointed list of what happens, except for how it applies to Seth, because the most interesting developments are in his growth and healing.

Maybe I'm just not a boilerplate romance reader anymore. :/

The year is off to a hard start

Do we really need an excuse to tell people we love them?

Maybe we do. Maybe we need the reminder.

I still miss Nimoy, my honorary grandfather, my beloved Spock Prime. :(

Book: Fiona's Fixer-Upper by Erika Aytuzi

Fiona's Fixer-Upper by Erika Aytuzi

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I received a digital copy of Fiona's Fixer Upper from the author for the purposes of providing an unbiased review.

Fiona's Fixer Upper is a sweet, sexy, fun, angsty tidbit of reading.

Fiona and Jake have been together a while, but then during one of their fights, she says something she can't take back. Her boyfriend takes her at her word and skedaddles. Fiona's completely baffled about why that one thing, of all the things she's said in their fights, is the thing he listened to.

Thing is, Fiona's house needs some TLC, and she keeps calling Jake to fix things.

I enjoyed the flirty bits between these two. Fiona seemed truly to not understand why Jake left, and Jake was equally clueless as to why she'd thrown him out. All it would take to fix things was a good conversation, but they were speaking different languages.

The resolution was good, with realistic give and take between the two characters.

The writing was good, and I'll be reading more of Aytuzi's work. It's not like I can forget her name, right? lol



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Serial: Loving Two Dragons by James Horton

I received a digital copy of all four parts of this serial via Romance ARCade for the purposes of providing reviews.

Part One
Our story starts with Jennifer and a job interview. She walks out of the building, and strange things start happening, and she wonders if she's losing her mind. When she's attacked in her own apartment, she's fairly certain she's lost it.

There's decent world-building here, even if it's a bit formulaic, and the story as a whole has promise. It's not bad, but could be better.

This is part one of a four-part serial, so it does leave an open ending, but I wouldn't necessarily call this one a cliffhanger. Yes, there's something unresolved, but if this were a short story, I probably wouldn't be sorry I read it.

There were plenty of mistakes, though, with misused words aplenty. At one point, Merlin breathed, and I was stumped. There's no Merlin in this story anywhere. Ooops. Mr. Horton needs an editor, and this entire story needs major comma surgery.

Part Two
In this portion of the serial, danger continues to plague Jennifer, and her first trip as Queen is marred by violence. Jennifer recovers her "past" memories more rapidly here, and they become much more detailed. When the time comes to plays damsel in distress, Jennifer opts to do some of her own saving. Kudos to her.

This segment also ends with a major plot point unresolved, and is closer to my definition of a cliffhanger than Part One.

Part Three
In this portion of the serial, Archer figures out where Logan and Jennifer are and sends in a recon team. Jennifer unlocks a major piece of her personal history, and both Logan and Archer end up bound by the Council.

Jennifer really steps into her role as Queen here, and continues to not be Too Stupid To Live. Go, Jennifer.

This segment also ends with a major plot point unresolved, but doesn't really fit my definition of a cliffhanger.

Part Four
In this portion of the serial, time passes with Jennifer holding down the fort admirably. She makes things happen, and gets her guys back.

All major plot points are resolved in this final segment.
There was a scene near the end, with Athene, which I thought was wasted. It went nowhere, and so could have just been cut from the story. Perhaps Mr. Horton was paving the way for more in this universe.
Overall
Throughout the four-part serial, the pages were plagued by missing commas and misused words. Worse, the sex was boring - too much use of euphemisms instead of just saying stuff right out. 


Though the story has promise, I am unlikely to look for more from this author. The poor editing and fairly predictable story are just not enough to get or keep me interested.

Book: A Mess of Reason by A. Wilding Wells

I received a digital copy of this book via Netgalley for the purposes of providing a review.

A Mess of Reason got off to a great start, storywise. Our two protagonists, Tess Harlow and Scout Steele, best friends since high school, are in love with each other. They just haven't bothered to tell each other. Ever. They've said "I love you" but never clarified it out loud. I am a hardcore friends-to-lovers fan, so this seemed tailor-made for my reading interests.

The foundation of their deep friendship was well laid. Once they started exploring their feelings for each other - still without actually say "I'm in love with you" to each other - the book takes a dive for me, though.

A bit past the halfway mark, I made a note that I was sick of the whole we can't/we won't/but I want to/we can't dance. Each character was being an asshole in his or her own way, and the inner monologues were just too much: hyperbolic stars and hearts and flowers and UGH. Even the dude. Just no.

Things come to a head soon after that when the day of the wedding actually comes. Stuff happens and Scout takes an angry Tess away. He's described as driving down the highway with her in his lap. I noped out at that point and couldn't recapture any connection to the story.

Tess kept wanting to get with Scout - have sex - but without sharing what her issue was. And I get it - it's a biggie - but gods, woman, he's your best frakking friend. I got so tired of her inner monologue about that.

Scout kept pushing Tess too hard, too fast, and setting boundaries they quickly ran right over with a bulldozer. He was bossy as all get-out, but no follow-through.

Tess overhears something and takes it completely out of context, but does she bother to actually talk to her "best friend" about what she heard? Of course not. Good cow, the communication issues in this relationship. They're only talking with their genitalia apparently, and their genitalia aren't fluent in plain English.

I noped out even harder when Scout ended up in the hospital after an accident and NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL TESS. Um, what?

I finished reading it anyway, but A Mess of Reason wasn't a winner for me. By the end of it, I was just so frakking glad it was over, and I went to find my favorite f-to-l fanfic to fix the bad taste in my brain. Gah.

Aside from my issues with the story, there were numerous missing words - mostly articles, a few pronouns - frequently enough to keep pulling me out of the story. Sloppy editing on someone's part, detracting even further from my enjoyment of the book. I know those things don't matter for some people, but they do for me.

Your mileage may vary, obviously.

Book: Calling Me by Louise Bay

I received a digital ARC copy via Netgalley for the purposes of providing an unbiased review.

Ashleigh and Luke have been friends for a long time - he's her best friend's brother. For much of that time, Ash has been in love with Luke, while Luke has never shown more than friendly interest in Ashleigh. From her perspective, he's a lost cause, and she's made an effort to date other men, even feeling like anyone else will be settling for second best.

Then Luke's longtime live-in girlfriend starts talking marriage and children. He thinks maybe there's something wrong with him, because the very idea gives him the heeby-jeebies. He's never even taken her to Sunday dinner at his sister's, for crying out loud. It doesn't take Luke long to realize he doesn't feel the same way his girlfriend does, and he breaks it off, starts spending more time with his sister and Asleigh.

Luke fairly quickly cottons to the fact that he actually *enjoys* spending time with Ashleigh, and the idea of marrying her doesn't make him want to run screaming from the planet. It takes a LOT more to convince Ashleigh Luke's sudden-seeming turnaround is for real.

The move from friends to lovers is satisfyingly slow, and even after they've become lovers, Ash and Luke's core relationship remains solid - their affectionate bickering and sarcastic sniping keep right on going, and they continue to have fun with each other.

This book is the second in a series - the first one being Luke's sister's story. The base relationships, though, were easy enough to get into, and I didn't feel like I missed anything by not having read that one first.

Calling Me was a hit for me, an unexpected one, and I'll definitely be checking out Louise Bay's future works. And finding that first book. :)

Book: You're Not Broken by Gemma Hart

You're Not Broken by Gemma Hart

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I received a digital ARC of You're Not Broken via Hidden Gems for the purposes of providing an objective review.

Friends to lovers or second chance romances are my romance trope catnip, and You're Not Broken was a bit of both, with more emphasis on second chances than on friends to lovers.

Kat and Jason meet one night in her uncle's diner, she senses his loneliness, and spends a little time with him after her shift is over. It's the first and last time she sees him, for over two years - he's deployed overseas. They write at first, then his letters stop, and Kat grieves for a while, then decides she needs to just get over him and move on. She's got too much crap to do to waste any more time on this guy.

Her family life is rife with tragedy throughout the book; she's a big sister holding the family together almost by sheer will, and her stubbornness comes in handy while Jason's gone.

No word from Jason for over two years and she runs into him again in a most unexpected place. She's cold and dismissive with him, not without reason. Jason's pretty determined to make some sort of amends, though, and he keeps showing up.

So far, despite the poor editing and numerous grammatical errors, I'm enjoying the story. Hart has me hooked, even if I am reading with a mental red pen in hand. Oy vey.

Then, the sex happens. It's a romance, so sex is gonna happen. I like a good raunchy sex scene. Well, frankly, I LOVE a good raunchy sex scene. But the section with the sex in it is decidedly different from the rest of the book, almost as if two different people wrote the disparate segments. It's also out of character for both the heroine and hero - in this case, the language changed, with the descriptions getting coarser and the characters going from zero to sixty in one weird scene.

When I read the first bit of it, my first thought was, "In the diner? With all the frakking windows? No way would she do it there. No way would he subject her to the potential humiliation of being seen. And what happened to all his objections? They're just magically swept away?" I still have a really hard time believing these two did the deed in full view of anyone who might have been outside. On top of the difference in writing, that took me out of the story entirely. Their first time deserved a little more thought put into it.

My favorite line was one which truly resonated with me: "If anything, I feel more useless and inept the older I get. I think it's because I keep comparing myself to who I thought I would be by now." For much of my adult life, this was a core part of my consciousness - comparing myself to the myself I thought I'd be and coming up way short. I get Kat, in that way at least.

Final evaluation: Good story. Promising writer. I'll be watching Gemma Hart in the future. With the help of a good editor or at least a proofreader, she has the potential to be great.



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Progess!!!

When I started keeping track, I was at 323. That's the most I've ever weighed, including when I was pregnant. I was mortified by my weight, but didn't know what to do about it. Nothing really seemed to work for me. All I knew was I was determined not to gain one single more pound. I was not going to hit 325. No way, no how.

Then I ended up in the hospital last year, with pneumonia, among other things. That sucked, but on the upside, as a result, I got in to see a doctor for the first time in four years. I was diagnosed with diabetes, with a frighteningly (to me) high A1C, got medicated for it, as well as medicated for depression (and gods, I desperately needed it).

It's been a bit of up and down, adding diagnoses and medications one or two at a time, and I'm pretty sure I'm not quite done yet.

However, with the diabetes diagnosis came aforesaid medication, to which I'd previously had a very bad reaction. Not this time! My food stayed down, daily numbers went down, my A1C went down, and best of all, my body mass went down.

I weighed myself last Friday, yes, the day after Thanksgiving, just out of curiosity. I figured, hey, it'll be a bit high, but still, I want to know (plus, I was alone in the house, and it's a talking scale. :/). Packing a little extra on can sometimes break through a plateau. Not that I'm actually trying to reduce my mass, just that it happens to be a happy coincidence of medical care. If I focus on it, my brain will derail it somehow. It's very good at that.

Anyway. 266.4. That is 23 plus 33, which equals 56. Fifty-six pounds of mass recycled to the universe! Pretty awesome news!

I'm wearing jeans again, since my jeans finally fit for the first time in years, and even though I'm nowhere near skinny, I feel better in whatever I'm wearing.

Also as a result of all this medical care, I got a new pair of sneakers (free!! from the hospital system) so my PT could be more effective. Walking still isn't the most fun I've had with my clothes on, it definitely still hurts, but it's *easier* than it has been. That's probably a combination of the support of proper shoes and the reduction in mass, but whatever. I'll take it. Being able to walk farther is useful, and even though it hurts, I still feel good after, like I've done something amazing.

And really, with a body as broken as mine is, walking is pretty damn amazing. :D

Dear Dad....

Dear Dad,

Things were going well last year, though you were in and out of the hospital a lot. I was really looking forward to doing Thanksgiving with you - we made a good team with you cooking and me prepping. Last Thanksgiving kind of sucked without you.

This year, though, landlady and I had people over - mostly her friends, though a couple of mutuals - and it went well. I think the cornbread dressing turned out very well this year, maybe the best I've made yet. I tried one little new trick, and it was a nice touch. I did most of the rest of the cooking, too, and though it got close for a few minutes, I didn't kill anybody. I'm sure you're proud of me.

I'm hoping to be in Florida for xmas, with Amelia and Ryan and Sam, and maybe we'll make dressing and pink stuff, maybe not. It would be fun to do some of that with Ryan, I think, though. 

More important will be to get to spend some time with them, just being together. A few days last year for your memorial wasn't enough. Ryan's grown so much since the kids left for Italy, and I'm missing a lot, even though we talk as often as we can.

We never miss the chance to say "I love you," because after all the people we've lost, we know tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Amelia misses you. I do, too. Ryan didn't know you well enough to miss you, and I get sad when I think about that. You'd have been a marvelous great-Papa.

I had a bad moment last month, when I realized I was going to meet someone (or remeet someone, who knows?), someone who will be special to me, and you won't be around to shake his hand or welcome him to the family. That'll be on me, since the rest of us are so scattered about. It feels a little silly to be fifty years old and sad my dad won't be there to see me happily in a relationship, but I guess you'll see it from where you are. I'll miss the hugs, though, and the dry jokes you'd make that mostly only you and I get.

Vicky got married last month, which may be what made me start thinking about it, and I was the only kid not there. It didn't make sense, financially, to go to Seattle, but it was still a hard thing to miss my own sister's wedding. She'll have a reception/party later, but it won't be the same as being there on the day.

Anyway, things are plodding along. The depression's not too bad this year, even if I've had some really bad moments, and the year's almost over. January always feels better somehow, and I hope it does this time, too.

I hope you're happy and healthy where you are, where the cigars don't stink and the coffee doesn't raise blood pressure. I hope you're reading or writing or wrangling government contracts, whatever makes you feel good.

I'll see ya next time around, maybe. Or you'll visit my dreams. I love you.

Book: A Winter Wedding by Brenda Novak

I received a digital copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I enjoyed the way this relationship started as strictly friends, even if it didn't stay that way long.

Lourdes was holding on a little too tight to a man she wasn't even sure she loved anymore, Kyle was still bent up about Olivia, and Kyle's ex-wife was...well, I'd have had a restraining order out on her by now. Kyle's continued attachment to Olivia was becoming a little too much. It seemed like enough time had passed that he should have made himself move on by the time of this book.

Though this installment was ostensibly Lourdes and Kyle's story, a great deal of book real estate was given over to other members of the Whiskey Creek gang. I enjoyed seeing them again, especially the bits and pieces of wedding planning, but I also felt the L/K story was a little shortchanged - not enough focus on the development of their relationship.

Lourdes' interactions with people other than Kyle were entertaining, especially as she was so adamant about wanting to keep to herself while she was in town. She ended up being pretty much outed, and she took it all with grace and poise.

Bottom line, I enjoyed another visit to Whiskey Creek, and the romance was satisfying, making this one a thumbs up.

Life in the Trenches. Or something.

A/N: This is not me passively-aggressively begging for money. This is me venting, hardcore.

I had a very bad day yesterday. I woke up mad at GuestDog, because she barked at the mail carrier and woke me up. Which she has done every single day she's been here, except Sunday. I love GuestDog, but I'm getting really cranky about the rude awakenings every day.

I found some decent clothes and went out and mowed the back lawn, then took a long shower. It wasn't what I wanted to do, which was break things or throw furniture, but it was something. The physical worked off some of my prickly energy, and the shower helped ground me some - scrubbing every inch of myself is pretty mindless, but also reminds me where the numb spots are, gives me something specific to think about. And I can listen to a playlist on my Kindle.

I may yet need some Angry Girl music tomorrow (as in Wednesday, because Tuesday hasn't ended for me, yet), but even if I do, I will already be better than today. Listening to Breakfast Club and Blast From the Past and Contact in the background while I did other things helped. A lot.

My depression is very "angry at myself" based. I'm angry at too many things, but not all the time. I get angriest when I get overwhelmed, when I feel like I'm failing, when everything just seems to be coming at once.

I had reached out to a local woman, asking her basically if I could pick her brain about business, since she owns one or two and is successful, and because of my miswired circadian rhythm, I fell asleep yesterday morning instead of staying up for her call. So being awakened by the dog barking at the mail carrier, me looking at my phone and realizing I'd slept through something important, something meant to help make this new direction in my life easier, was just that little bit too much.

Money is a thing for me. I grew up in a household where we never talked about money. That was Mom and Dad stuff, and none of our business. I knew we were poor, though things got easier by the time I got to high school, but I had no idea how my parents made ends meet, or if they didn't. I seriously wish my school had taught some kind of budgeting or living on your own for real class, because reality was a big surprise. I was one of those, "But I still have checks left, what the hell do you mean, I don't have money?" And I'm good with numbers. Gah.

Anyway, money's always a sore spot for me. Even if everything else in my life is going relatively well, not being able to take care of my own basic needs makes me feel like a huge failure. That is where I am - too many things coming down at once, with little income in the foreseeable future. Everything costs money that I need now, not in two months - my meds, food, a storage unit I'm desperate to get out of (we've even made room in the garage), bus rides, EVERYthing. And the bank decided my "extended" overdraft (all $30 of which is fees, which is completely asinine) was extended enough to close my account. So I'm in a really hurty "What kind of fifty-year-old woman can't take care of herself? How can you be such a failure?" place. My worst critic truly is myself.

Money failure always hurts more, pokes harder at my self-esteem, and sometimes, like yesterday, it makes me very angry. At myself. At my brain that refuses to go to sleep at anything approaching a reasonable hour, and equally refuses to awaken early enough for me to get anything done with requires leaving the house. If I want to leave the house, I have to simply stay up. Going to sleep isn't an option.

I honestly have no clue how I functioned all the years I was a single parent, except that it involved three or four hours of sleep a night and about five alarms in different places in the room. And out of the room, sometimes. And a kid who didn't get to school on time, sometimes.

Anyway, this one was especially dark because over the last week, I have come up with a fantastic idea for taking my editing to a new level, and it WILL change my life. I have absolutely zero doubt. I can feel it, deep inside my soul. The energy is changing. And I was am so excited about it.

And then, I get a day like yesterday, and it makes my usual depression feel like a stubbed toe.

I think of all the things I "have" to have money for, and it just seems hopeless. How do I go to my doctor appointment in two weeks, and pay a $5 copay, when I don't have the $5 to get on the bus to even get there? How do I send in my med mail order when I no longer have a bank account to give them the debit card number for? How do I find a way to pay for that storage unit, and for a way to get those belongings here, when I have neither the money for the storage place, or a vehicle with which to move the stuff? How do I buy the things I'm going to run out of tomorrow, which are part of my fairly strict diet, when I don't even have a frakkin' quarter to put in the buggy at Aldi, even if I had a way to get there.

I'm just so frustrated and angry and when my brain does this, it sucks the energy out of me and makes everything I do that much harder, that much more painful.

I think in my next life, I want to be a butterfly. I'd start out as a worm, hibernate, then get pretty for a few weeks, help flowers and trees have sex, and move on to whatever's after that. Yeah. Helping flowers and trees have sex. Sounds perfect.