Saturday, April 23, 2016


I have this temp Nana gig through the end of the school year. LJ is almost five months old, and he's just a doll. He's happy and smart and gods I miss Ryan! I adore having a baby around, though. I don't even complain about getting up at 0800 for him.

Anyway, as babies are wont to do, he opens his mouth anytime anything gets in the vicinity of his face, and I've taken to kissing the empty space where his mouth is open. It makes a nice echoing sound. I didn't think much of it at first, but after a couple dozen times, I realized it reminded me of my little brother, D. I used to "kiss" D that way when he was a baby, too. That was a long time ago - 1973. Can you believe it?

Having LJ around, I've noticed my pain fades more into the background. I'm more tired after he's gone home, but while he's here, I hurt less. Or rather, notice it less. It's been interesting to note the impact of simple enjoyment on the rest of me, body, soul, and mind.

On Tuesday, Landlady and I went to a Cutco kitchen event - they've been having them monthly since the store opened, and though it's not ideal, it's a reasonably fun way to get out of the house and have a free meal. Anyway, this last time was "Cinco de Mayo" and one of the dishes was a corn and black bean salsa. While the chef up front was prepping, he started cutting the onions, and it was the same way Dad did when we used to make stuffing together at Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was a bittersweet moment - I was so looking forward to having Thanksgiving with Dad two years ago, and now he's gone, it's an experience I won't be sharing with anyone, because the Potatoheads live in Florida, and I have no other children, or anybody else to "pass it down" to.

I'm starting on a new edit this week, and looking forward to delving deeper into this author's fictional world. It's the second book in a trilogy, the third set of books I've edited for her. It's been gratifying to watch her writing improve with each book. Her improvement isn't on me, but it still feels good to be a part of her journey.

My own writing has been hit and miss for months, and I keep trying. Every once in a while, I crank something out, but my word count so far this year has been abysmal. It's sad and frustrating. I WANT to write, but my brain will not cooperate. Blargh.

Watching Hawaii 5-O this week, I've been reminded of my ties to the military, and the many ways my psyche and personality were shaped by growing up an Air Force brat. Funerals especially, or welcoming home finally-identified bones, always gets me deep inside. So many people over the course of my life, haven't made it home, and some who did have never been the same. Being part of a military family is never a level life - there are moments of deep, abiding joy, and other moments of such grief it's impossible to put it into words. Somehow, H5O captures some of that, often, and watching from the beginning has been a reflective experience.

Speaking of H5O, I remembered during the opening theme doing this little dance with Ryan when he was bitty, while we were at my in-laws' house. I have no idea why that theme works on me that way, but it does make me want to "dance" with babies, if I have them around.

I know, I'm weird. Get used to it. I'm not getting normal in this lifetime. :D