What dreams may come

Yesterday, I dreamed about visiting my kinfolk in Oklahoma, and toward the end of the dream, my cousin Zack walked in the front door.  Zack was my favorite cousin, and he died more than ten years ago.  He was the only one of my cousins who really *got* me, maybe because he was, too: twisted, perverted, vulnerable, lonely.  Yet he was always a gentleman when it counted.  Maybe because we were both onlys for a good period of time before we became eldests.  I don't know what it was about him.  But it was so good to see him in my dream that when I woke up, I was nearly crying for how much I miss him.

You know how they say that a woman will tend more often than not, to marry someone like her dad?  I don't know about the marry part, because my ex was nothing like my dad.  But when I'm deciding whether or not to be attracted to a guy, there's some truth to that adage - strong, silent, alpha when he needs to be, completely dry sense of humor; more often than that, though, any man gets compared to Zack, at least subconsciously.  Aside from the familial relationship, he was my ideal.  He's how I knew that there was someone out there who would get me and love me just the way I was, warts and all, who wouldn't be put off by my sexual innuendos in the most innocuous of conversations, or by my innate ability to flirt with anything human.  Now, as I close in steadily on the "halfway" mark, I have to wonder where that person is, because I've never found whoever it is.  Granted, for the last fifteen years, I've been actively not-looking, but that's beside the point.  :)

Back to the dreaming thing.  This morning, I was dreaming something, and the dream morphed, as dreams are wont to do, and I was tied up, with Helo from BSG looking at me *that* way, and then the dream morphed again, into something else I don't remember.  When I woke up, I was still stuck on being tied up by Helo, with my brain whining, "C'Mon, man!  I can't even get any action in my DREAMS?"  Perhaps that particular bit of the dream was the result of too much BSG smut, as if there exists such a thing as too much smut of any variety.  lol

And yes, I did just share perhaps too much information.  Look at the labels.  :D