Friday, June 14, 2013

Book: Triple Threat by Bella Jeanisse LANGUAGE AND CRUDENESS WARNING NSFW

There's a shorter, more pleasant review on Amazon.   This isn't that one.

Triple Threat reads like a fifteen-year-old wrote a rock band RPF, inserted themselves Mary-Sue style in first-person POV, then anonymized the whole thing so it could be published for money. If you read the book after this review, you cannot blame me for the time you'll never get back.

Main character wants her best friend, but insists to herself that she’s not in love with him.  Insists that she IS in love with another member of their band, and so tries to get him into bed.  Dates another guy who has a premature ejaculation problem, so to keep herself satisfied, keeps frakking her “best friend” sometimes even when her boyfriend is on the phone with her, or on the other side of the door.  Lets her “best friend” see her naked, take risque photos of her, tells him that she’s not in love with him, lets him frak her anytime he wants anyway, at least once he "convinces" her anew every time.

Girl seems to have no self-control at all.  She says no, a guy kisses her and she’s all ready for action and can’t resist him.  

Completely unrealistic guy continually getting all down and dirty with the main character, even naked with penis touching clit, then backing away because “it’s not right” or “it’ll ruin the friendship” or “I don’t want to just have sex with you - you need someone who cares about you.”  Then, out of the blue, he changes his mind and they frak and it’s boring.  Well, not to them, because every orgasm is the best one she ever had in her entire life.  The pleasure is always awesome or rapturous.  Someone needs a thesaurus.

Lots of passive voice and telling instead of showing.  taunt is used in one place instead of taut.  Just dreck.

Liberal use of the f-bomb, with which I personally don’t have a problem with (even though I've replaced it here BSG-style, lol).  There are no other women in the book, except for the groupies the other band members frak after every gig.

Every guy is almost literally hung like a horse.  I mean like 12 inches long and so big that she can’t get her hand around him.  So big/long that it hurts to have sex.  And yet she does a DP scene with two of these guys in her snatch at the same time, because anal sex hurts.  

Both the guys she fraks the most are always telling her what she feels.  She doesn’t feel the way they think, but she’s completely unwilling to just tell either of them what it is she does feel.

The “best friend,” the one she’s been frakking since the beginning of the book, freaks out about her finally settling down with a guy and threatens to quit the band.  He asks for a threesome, she says she’ll ask her boyfriend, and suddenly, he’ll stay with the band and they all live happily ever after.

Reviewed for Kitties Like Books Too (